It's hard to really say where the time went or where I really went. The entire mental game to this whole thing is much deeper than I think I ever thought it was when I started this blog. I think I've spent a lot of time in my head trying to rearrange these boxes to get this whole thing figured out. It's been such a struggle to put a lot of what I went through/am going through into words. But I suppose this entire blog is a testament that I can do it.
I think one of my biggest takeaways from my time spent in my head is finding the value in my own work. Being able to really understand the impact I CAN make on people. The positive impact I can make on peoples. I think it's important to differentiate the "Can make" from the expectation of that outcome. I found that working in absolutes will lead to disappointments. Living with hard expectations will lead to disappointments. It's better to live knowing I put my best foot forward. To find happiness in the effort rather than the outcome. Like my buddy Mokuu told me "Fall in love with the process - focus on the fun and the story. Quality gets better as you go" ... I suppose the context is a bit different but the same idea applies. Focus on the process. Fall in love with the process. Everything will fall into line.
However, it can be so hard to use this line of thought when dealing with people you really care about. The time, energy, and patience put into helping. It's hard to not want to see that happy outcome for them. It's hard to not want them to share your successes. But it's simply not practical to put your life on hold to fix others problems. That's not to say that you shouldn't try... But it's all about perspective. It's all about how you look at the situation. Put your best foot forward, hope for the best, then if it doesn't play out... continue to put my best foot forward. The reward is that you even helped to begin with.
Maybe I'm speaking outside of the scope of this blog. But there is a lesson to be learned. It's a hard one that I'm still learning my self.
The entire concept of helping others by helping myself. It feels so wrong. But the more I learn about it, the more it's explained to me, it just makes so much sense.
And there's a lot of areas where I feel similar to that. Not confused persay, but... very jarred. Going from believing one thing, to having "reality" show me it wasnt possible. NOW hearing great people I highly admire tell me that I was on the right path to begin with. It's very jarring. I cant think of a better word other than jarring. But I think it's a good kind of jarring. Somewhere along the way I'd fallen off the track, but now I've fallen back on track. It's like unlearning what I learned then relearning what I originally knew.
It's some wild stuff.
But I just want to get this blog back up. I'm on a good path. I have been on a good path!
This was a pretty bloated blog post. But I feel I've only scratched the surface of what I've learned in my time away. But right now, to be honest. I just want to post art again. Which I haven't felt in a while.
Thank you everyone for being so supportive during this whole journey. The details will come in time!
♥
