Of all the original pokemon this is probably the first one that had me scratching my head.
Friday, December 18, 2015
Pokemon Challenge Metapod #11
wtf is even a metapod.
Of all the original pokemon this is probably the first one that had me scratching my head.
I dont even know the... I ... nope.
Of all the original pokemon this is probably the first one that had me scratching my head.
Monday, November 2, 2015
Satoru Iwata, Confronting the Past, and TotalBiscuit
Last update has been some time ago! I should probably do a thing. so yea, let's do a thing.
Let's start the thing by giving a bit of an update. Where's the blogs? THE ARTS!?
I've been going through a lot. I took an emotional hit with the recent loss of Nintendo's president Satoru Iwata. I had so much respect for that man. He was the perfect example of how hard work can pay off. The way he presented himself as the leader of one of the biggest video game companies was admirable, and has always been somewhat of an eye opener for myself that you don't have to become a robot when you find yourself in I higher position. That it's ok to still allow yourself and your personality to shine through despite your position of importance. You dont have to sacrifice yourself to play the role you were intended to play. While he may nolonger be around, his lessons will be remembered. Thank you Iwata.
As for confronting my past.
It's hard to really put this into words, but it's been a huge hindrance and has lead to why I have always felt "not worthy" or just not "good enough" For me, looking into my past never leads to anything positive. I have avoided many of these topics... at least until recently. I think the time has come for me to finally confront these now... I'll try to explain the best i can.
When I was a kid, in terms of the family hierarchy, I was always on the bottom. It was never a situation where I was left without food or clothes. The parent's always did a great job and ensuring all of our needs were met, even considering how little money we had growing up. Even in my creative endeavors there was always enough there for me to express myself creatively. And that's where my troubles come in. I was never the "star child" My creativity was always acknowledged but never really praised or encouraged. Everything, everywhere, was always about somebody else. I was always 2nd class to my brother. Everything he did would turn heads and spark conversation where on the other hand it felt like I was lucky to even receive a "good job" or "that's nice" and This made me idolize my brother. He was the cool awesome brother that did all the amazing things and everybody loved him. I dont even know exactly how to put into words just how much I looked up to my brother. I literally wanted to be exactly like him.
Our relationship on the other hand? Well. Let's just say it was very much your typical "big brother's always right" relationship. He was always bigger, better, faster, and stronger than me. And he would never hesitate to remind me of that. I was the dumb little brother. unimportant. This isn't to say that our entire relationship was terrible. We had plenty of good times playing and exploring. To my brothers credit, I never recall him outright insulting me for the sake of insulting. On the other hand, was always some form of mocking or belittling remarks that always seemed to happen. Which I suppose it is what it is. We were kids back then and it's hard to really hold anything against someone for the way they acted when they were little. It is what it is I suppose.
It wasn't until about 2nd grade that I finally met someone that truly respected me for who I was and legitimately enjoyed what I brought to the table. It was a friendship that lasted many years where I was able to freely and openly share ideas. But with things being far from perfect at home, and things progressively getting worse at home. It was just too much. And I think I began to honestly believe that I really wasn't good enough. And despite all the mocking and ridicule, I still very much looked up to my brother as the beacon of what I wanted to be. He was the star athlete in his class, he had all the cool friends, he had all the attention at home. He was IT.
Skipping forward a bit past 2 big deaths in the family, the brother gets involved with his first long term girlfriend and it honestly felt like he abandoned mom and I. It honestly felt as though we had 3 major deaths in the family as rarely as we saw him. And boy did that do a number on me as a kid. These feelings of not being good enough only solidified and I just began to keep things to myself. It's a wonder that i even managed to still create things at this point, but I still did somehow. But it never felt good enough. My stories were never important. etc etc etc. And this is just generally a mentality that I carried with me for many many years. Feeling that what I brought to the table just wasn't important. Everybody else became more important than myself.
I don't have any issue with how I carried myself during these times, and I wouldn't change anything in this era even if I could. I helped a lot of people with their own troubles and am very happy to have been able to do so. But even still, everything my brother does is just MORE important. Even to the point where some of my friends would almost forget I was in the room when he was around. True he wasn't around as often, but he always turned heads. Me and my creations were never good enough. It's hard to talk any more about this trend that still continues till this day. The entire world freezes for him where mine just kinda... exists off in the distance.
Then I started this whole youtube thing. It might very well be one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. It might even be a life saving decision. Because I tell ya man. It's been one heck of a journey. While things have kinda soured a bit since this was uploaded, this video sums up what took years, and literally thousands of people for me to finally realize...
I've been facing the past. I've been facing THAT past. The thing that I never wanted to face. The thing that I never wanted to see the light of day. The thing that I just wanted to just tuck away in the basement and not have to think about again. Turns out that if you're trying to improve yourself as an artist, it doesn't help when you've got years of negative conflicting and confusing emotions locked away in silly places.
I would have never been able to make it to this point had it not been for the people that have had faith in me all these years. There's a little part of me that really wishes I had come to this realization much sooner, but I dunno. Maybe I wasn't ready or something.
Either way, I think this was an important step. Finally getting this all out. Getting it all out of my system. I'm in a much better place now to finally address this. and finally move forward.
There's a bit more I want to talk about in this topic, but I think that's all for now. I've been typing this post for the past week, and nothing has been so emotionally draining haha. On an important note, our family is not in some kind of crazy turmoil. We all very much care for each other and only want whats best for one another. Growing up a bit has really helped a lot. But I'm just ready to move forward.
Lastly...
Totalbiscuit, somebody I really look up to as somewhat of a role model, perhaps not so much in what he does but moreso the honor he holds for doing the right thing. Total biscuit is a highly respected game critic advocate for consumer rights in the gaming market. Well, Totalbiscuit had been battling cancer for the past year or so and was finally in remissions. But things took a turn for the worst... I'll just copy paste his twitter post here.
And this happened smack dab in the middle of the whole addressing the past thing. It's a hard thing to come to grips with. Knowing that somebody you have so much respect for only has a few years left to live. But like he said, maybe he will have a bit longer. Here's hoping man. I send all the best wishes your way TB.
At the very least...
At least I was somehow able to get one him to see a Totalbiscuit and Jesse Cox fan animations I did for them a few years back, which till this day is my most viewed animation.
Maybe when i get all this sorted out I can do more of these for them.
Let's start the thing by giving a bit of an update. Where's the blogs? THE ARTS!?
I've been going through a lot. I took an emotional hit with the recent loss of Nintendo's president Satoru Iwata. I had so much respect for that man. He was the perfect example of how hard work can pay off. The way he presented himself as the leader of one of the biggest video game companies was admirable, and has always been somewhat of an eye opener for myself that you don't have to become a robot when you find yourself in I higher position. That it's ok to still allow yourself and your personality to shine through despite your position of importance. You dont have to sacrifice yourself to play the role you were intended to play. While he may nolonger be around, his lessons will be remembered. Thank you Iwata.
As for confronting my past.
It's hard to really put this into words, but it's been a huge hindrance and has lead to why I have always felt "not worthy" or just not "good enough" For me, looking into my past never leads to anything positive. I have avoided many of these topics... at least until recently. I think the time has come for me to finally confront these now... I'll try to explain the best i can.
When I was a kid, in terms of the family hierarchy, I was always on the bottom. It was never a situation where I was left without food or clothes. The parent's always did a great job and ensuring all of our needs were met, even considering how little money we had growing up. Even in my creative endeavors there was always enough there for me to express myself creatively. And that's where my troubles come in. I was never the "star child" My creativity was always acknowledged but never really praised or encouraged. Everything, everywhere, was always about somebody else. I was always 2nd class to my brother. Everything he did would turn heads and spark conversation where on the other hand it felt like I was lucky to even receive a "good job" or "that's nice" and This made me idolize my brother. He was the cool awesome brother that did all the amazing things and everybody loved him. I dont even know exactly how to put into words just how much I looked up to my brother. I literally wanted to be exactly like him.
Our relationship on the other hand? Well. Let's just say it was very much your typical "big brother's always right" relationship. He was always bigger, better, faster, and stronger than me. And he would never hesitate to remind me of that. I was the dumb little brother. unimportant. This isn't to say that our entire relationship was terrible. We had plenty of good times playing and exploring. To my brothers credit, I never recall him outright insulting me for the sake of insulting. On the other hand, was always some form of mocking or belittling remarks that always seemed to happen. Which I suppose it is what it is. We were kids back then and it's hard to really hold anything against someone for the way they acted when they were little. It is what it is I suppose.
It wasn't until about 2nd grade that I finally met someone that truly respected me for who I was and legitimately enjoyed what I brought to the table. It was a friendship that lasted many years where I was able to freely and openly share ideas. But with things being far from perfect at home, and things progressively getting worse at home. It was just too much. And I think I began to honestly believe that I really wasn't good enough. And despite all the mocking and ridicule, I still very much looked up to my brother as the beacon of what I wanted to be. He was the star athlete in his class, he had all the cool friends, he had all the attention at home. He was IT.
Skipping forward a bit past 2 big deaths in the family, the brother gets involved with his first long term girlfriend and it honestly felt like he abandoned mom and I. It honestly felt as though we had 3 major deaths in the family as rarely as we saw him. And boy did that do a number on me as a kid. These feelings of not being good enough only solidified and I just began to keep things to myself. It's a wonder that i even managed to still create things at this point, but I still did somehow. But it never felt good enough. My stories were never important. etc etc etc. And this is just generally a mentality that I carried with me for many many years. Feeling that what I brought to the table just wasn't important. Everybody else became more important than myself.
I don't have any issue with how I carried myself during these times, and I wouldn't change anything in this era even if I could. I helped a lot of people with their own troubles and am very happy to have been able to do so. But even still, everything my brother does is just MORE important. Even to the point where some of my friends would almost forget I was in the room when he was around. True he wasn't around as often, but he always turned heads. Me and my creations were never good enough. It's hard to talk any more about this trend that still continues till this day. The entire world freezes for him where mine just kinda... exists off in the distance.
Then I started this whole youtube thing. It might very well be one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. It might even be a life saving decision. Because I tell ya man. It's been one heck of a journey. While things have kinda soured a bit since this was uploaded, this video sums up what took years, and literally thousands of people for me to finally realize...
I've been facing the past. I've been facing THAT past. The thing that I never wanted to face. The thing that I never wanted to see the light of day. The thing that I just wanted to just tuck away in the basement and not have to think about again. Turns out that if you're trying to improve yourself as an artist, it doesn't help when you've got years of negative conflicting and confusing emotions locked away in silly places.
I would have never been able to make it to this point had it not been for the people that have had faith in me all these years. There's a little part of me that really wishes I had come to this realization much sooner, but I dunno. Maybe I wasn't ready or something.
Either way, I think this was an important step. Finally getting this all out. Getting it all out of my system. I'm in a much better place now to finally address this. and finally move forward.
There's a bit more I want to talk about in this topic, but I think that's all for now. I've been typing this post for the past week, and nothing has been so emotionally draining haha. On an important note, our family is not in some kind of crazy turmoil. We all very much care for each other and only want whats best for one another. Growing up a bit has really helped a lot. But I'm just ready to move forward.
Lastly...
Totalbiscuit, somebody I really look up to as somewhat of a role model, perhaps not so much in what he does but moreso the honor he holds for doing the right thing. Total biscuit is a highly respected game critic advocate for consumer rights in the gaming market. Well, Totalbiscuit had been battling cancer for the past year or so and was finally in remissions. But things took a turn for the worst... I'll just copy paste his twitter post here.
"Well, I don't know if there is really a right way to tell people this, so I guess here goes. The CT did not come back negative. The cancer in the bowel is gone, but spots have appeared in my liver. They're not operable and there's no cure. Average life expectancy is 2-3 years, though there are outliers that live much longer. I'll be back on chemo in a few weeks, with the goal of pushing it back and keeping it there for as long as possible. I fully intend to be the outlier, the average is this way because most people that get this are old and not strong anymore. Who knows what they'll come up with in the next decade? I intend to beat it for as long as possible. Gonna need some time to process all of this. I don't really feel anything right now. Thanks."http://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1snlj3r
And this happened smack dab in the middle of the whole addressing the past thing. It's a hard thing to come to grips with. Knowing that somebody you have so much respect for only has a few years left to live. But like he said, maybe he will have a bit longer. Here's hoping man. I send all the best wishes your way TB.
At the very least...
At least I was somehow able to get one him to see a Totalbiscuit and Jesse Cox fan animations I did for them a few years back, which till this day is my most viewed animation.
Maybe when i get all this sorted out I can do more of these for them.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Lost an old friend
Lost an old highschool friend today.
We weren't the closest of friends but he was a pretty swell dude and we always got along. Death is always an interesting topic to talk about. You never really expect it to hit you haven't been taking this one too well for some reason. The guy was a few years younger than myself and I think I'm feeling the same thing I felt when the internet lost Eddsworld some years back. That they had so much to live for. The whole survivors guilt thing always creeps into my mind. These people had their lives together and their entire futures were ahead of them. Yet here I am scrambling around to make ends meet not entirely sure where I want to take things.
I dunno. Maybe it's just that it happened so soon after the loss of Iwata. Things may not be the best right now, but I've got to continue. Gotta keep up my training! If not for me, then for the people that have had their lives unfortunately cut short
R.I.P. JJ
MORE TRAINING! MORE TRAINING!
We weren't the closest of friends but he was a pretty swell dude and we always got along. Death is always an interesting topic to talk about. You never really expect it to hit you haven't been taking this one too well for some reason. The guy was a few years younger than myself and I think I'm feeling the same thing I felt when the internet lost Eddsworld some years back. That they had so much to live for. The whole survivors guilt thing always creeps into my mind. These people had their lives together and their entire futures were ahead of them. Yet here I am scrambling around to make ends meet not entirely sure where I want to take things.
I dunno. Maybe it's just that it happened so soon after the loss of Iwata. Things may not be the best right now, but I've got to continue. Gotta keep up my training! If not for me, then for the people that have had their lives unfortunately cut short
R.I.P. JJ
MORE TRAINING! MORE TRAINING!
Pokemon Challenge Caterpie #10
CATERPIE!
Got hung up on this one. Wasn't sure exactly how "monstery" I want these characters to be. If I wanted them to look more like cosplay or actual monster. I ended up going with the more monstery option. They're more fun to me. In the end it doesnt matter because the entire purpose of this challenge is to draw more. SO BAM! Might change later but as i say it doesnt matter too much.
Got hung up on this one. Wasn't sure exactly how "monstery" I want these characters to be. If I wanted them to look more like cosplay or actual monster. I ended up going with the more monstery option. They're more fun to me. In the end it doesnt matter because the entire purpose of this challenge is to draw more. SO BAM! Might change later but as i say it doesnt matter too much.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Sketches, Health issues, & Future Plans
SKETCHES!
Sketches sketches sketches!
Did a few sketches, I really need to put some more time into proper anatomy and figuring out how the entire body works together. The above sketches were done to just kinda gage where I am currently on working from memory. I think generally speaking I have a pretty solid idea on the basic shapes of the body. Not a solid understanding of forms just yet, but I imagine it will come in time.
I did a few of these untimed sketches because i hadn't done any in a while. For some reason I just wasn't feeling it tonight, which kinda beings me into the next topic of Health Issues.
I've been struggling a bit with low blood pressure is past week. It tends to become a problem when the weather warms up during the summer but since we've had a relatively cool summer (at least compared to other years) I forgot this was even an issue i have. I spent a good majority of the week wondering why I've felt exhausted almost nonstop, almost feeling like there is something more that I was doing wrong and questioning what was going on. It really took a bit of a toll on me. After I finally remembered low blood pressure was a thing it kinda put things at ease for a bit. While I've talked about this several times in the past on this blog, I'd like to just reiterate how important it is to have an understanding of your physical and mental health. It can truly save yourself a lot of stress down the line if you are unable to perform at your best. Mental and physical health play a very important part of all this art stuff. Just gotta keep that in mind.
NOW with all that being said, I do still feel that there is more I can be doing. This week I will try to jump back into some of my old study/training habits while poking around to learn a few new techniques. I'm not gonna beat myself up if I dont achieve this goal, considering my situation and my terribly low stamina levels, but like i said. I think I can be doing more. At least more than this week.
We'll see what happens though.
Sketches sketches sketches!
I've been struggling a bit with low blood pressure is past week. It tends to become a problem when the weather warms up during the summer but since we've had a relatively cool summer (at least compared to other years) I forgot this was even an issue i have. I spent a good majority of the week wondering why I've felt exhausted almost nonstop, almost feeling like there is something more that I was doing wrong and questioning what was going on. It really took a bit of a toll on me. After I finally remembered low blood pressure was a thing it kinda put things at ease for a bit. While I've talked about this several times in the past on this blog, I'd like to just reiterate how important it is to have an understanding of your physical and mental health. It can truly save yourself a lot of stress down the line if you are unable to perform at your best. Mental and physical health play a very important part of all this art stuff. Just gotta keep that in mind.
NOW with all that being said, I do still feel that there is more I can be doing. This week I will try to jump back into some of my old study/training habits while poking around to learn a few new techniques. I'm not gonna beat myself up if I dont achieve this goal, considering my situation and my terribly low stamina levels, but like i said. I think I can be doing more. At least more than this week.
We'll see what happens though.
Friday, July 24, 2015
Pokemon Challenge Blastoise #9
BLASTOISE
Wasnt feeling it this time around. There's a number of things goofy with this one but i dunno. I'm just more excited to get out of the "starter pokemon" bracket haha XD
I will absolutely be revisiting this one one day, but for not it's fine. :3 At least I didn't miss the day.
Wasnt feeling it this time around. There's a number of things goofy with this one but i dunno. I'm just more excited to get out of the "starter pokemon" bracket haha XD
I will absolutely be revisiting this one one day, but for not it's fine. :3 At least I didn't miss the day.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Vilppu Chapter 6
Finally finished vilppu chapter 6
Every time I finish a vilppu study it honest feels that I have learned so much from his lessons. Yet there is always some kind of psychological thing that that seems to keep me away from seeking out more of his studies or even other tutorials. I dont know what it is exactly, and I'm pretty sure i've said these exact words every time I pose a vilppu study thing... But I dont know. it is an odd feeling. I always feel at my best when I'm learning new things, but there's some kind of fear holding me back from doing more. hmmm... The "fear of success" that I did that one blog entry about. double hmm... I need to combat this. but the only way to combat it is to JUST DO IT!
My next two vilppu lessons are about Anatomy. Something I've desperately needed to learn. It should be a great starting point for anatomy. After that I miiiiiiiiiight put vilppu lessons on hold for a bit and really dive more into animation lessons. The amount that I've learned from this guy is insane, but it is only scratching the surface.
Either way, need to make more of an effort to do tutorials and learn more. JUST DO MORE! OAWOWOOAAWO!
MORE TRAINING!!!!
Every time I finish a vilppu study it honest feels that I have learned so much from his lessons. Yet there is always some kind of psychological thing that that seems to keep me away from seeking out more of his studies or even other tutorials. I dont know what it is exactly, and I'm pretty sure i've said these exact words every time I pose a vilppu study thing... But I dont know. it is an odd feeling. I always feel at my best when I'm learning new things, but there's some kind of fear holding me back from doing more. hmmm... The "fear of success" that I did that one blog entry about. double hmm... I need to combat this. but the only way to combat it is to JUST DO IT!
My next two vilppu lessons are about Anatomy. Something I've desperately needed to learn. It should be a great starting point for anatomy. After that I miiiiiiiiiight put vilppu lessons on hold for a bit and really dive more into animation lessons. The amount that I've learned from this guy is insane, but it is only scratching the surface.
Either way, need to make more of an effort to do tutorials and learn more. JUST DO MORE! OAWOWOOAAWO!
MORE TRAINING!!!!
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