Moving Foward Into 2015

It's been a while since I've done one of these.  It's been a while indeed.

I've put off doing this update because I didnt really know how to word everything so I'll just go nuts and get a few things off my chest.~~

I've had a really rough past 10 or so years.  Granted, the entirity of the 10 years hasn't been rough, but it seemed like every passing year there would be a new chapter to an unfolding story that would increasingly make things more difficult and things really escalated these past 3 years till finally the sudden conclusion to a seemingly endless journey of somebody else's bad choices.  I suppose I didnt have a chance to fully realize how much the entire dilemma wore me down till the whole thing came to an abrupt stop and I was able to reflect on the years.

When it all ended I was so ready to just throw it all behind me as quick as possible to catch up on lost time.  To jump back on a train that I felt had long past.  But suddenly it all hit me.  All of the years that I had lost, all of the time that had slipped through my fingers at no fault of my own but rather the situations that life threw at me.  My dreams felt irrelevant and suddenly all my accomplishments felt like nothing.  Yea sure made a few silly things and helped a few people but none of that seemed to matter.  I tried to carry on doing as I usually did but it seemed that despite my best efforts things were just off.  It was a terrible place to be.  Loneliness wasn't an issue with this whole thing, I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by many many great people, but it's a grueling feeling of despair that just drained my energy. 

"I'm 26" i kept telling myself.  "I'm in no place to be 'starting' anything"

Then came the dreaded "younger brother syndrome."  I've always felt inferior to my older brother.  Having grown up where the parents always put his priorities first, where my friends would want to come over only to end up visiting with him and seemingly forget i even existed, and where everything he did seemed to overshadow anything I did.  Be it good or bad I guess he's just a more enjoyable person than I.  I remembered looking up to him as a kid and how he all but ran away from the family to go be cool and do cool things after dad passed away.  I completely understand that it was his way with dealing with the loss so I can't hold anything against him.  But i just...  Of all things Why was this all running through my head?

Then probably the roughest memories were those of my poor little Jewely...  I didnt mention it here on the blog but if you follow me elsewhere you know what happened.  My poor little jewely didnt make it.  Just before things in personal life land took a terrible turn for the terrible, Jewely passed away back in July (i believe it was july) from a terrible case of Anemia.  All the time I spent with her to keep her healthy.  I was devastated.  I couldn't even bring myself to type about it.  With everything going on in personal life land, all I wanted was to help little jewely have a good life and man oh man did I feel like a failure.  Even thinking about her now has me running all the "what if" possibilities in my head.  but again...  Why was all this running through my head?

All of this started happening shortly after my last blog post and just kind of snowballed out of control.  Then I started beating myself up for not being able to focus (again, a long running problem of mine) but I got to thinking... perhaps these feelings were justified?  I did just go through literally YEARS of problem after problem.  I suppose it's a bit silly to assume that even I could bounce back like nothing after all of that has happened.  So I took a step back to look at the situation.  A BIG step back.

Sitting around being depressed doesn't help anything, but it's a thing that's happening.  So after clearing my mind a bit and letting things blow over, I began to look at the things that really make me happy.  Remembered the things I've learned from creating things and remembering the things I learned from this blog and I used that to set things in motion.  Focus seems to be a thing that always comes up over and over.  When I'm able to focus and get things done I feel accomplished.  I can feel the wheels moving and can feel like progress is being made.  This whole art thing is still a thing I want to pursue, I know that for a fact so if anything is getting done.  If anything can pull me out of this depression, it's building up some kind of schedule or system to keep me on track.

So the better part of the last few weeks has been to simply to work on a schedule.  I wrote out everything I do, and everything I need to do (still adding to the list but I have it there)  I charted out my time to have some kind of schedule that makes sense.  Then even blocked off specific times to dedicate to particular tasks.

Working on this whole schedule thing alone has drastically improved my mood and has reignited something that I felt I had lost over the past few months.  I've also taken the time to look into inspirational things.  Speeches, books, etc.  Currently I'm listening to an audio book by the name of "The Artist's Way"  I'm setting myself up to hopefully kick things off in the right direction by this new year (2015).  I have a lot of hope that things will turn around for the better.  At least with this new schedule I'll be able to better plan things out and optimize my time.  I haven't fully jumped into it this year, but from what I've tried, I am very pleased with it.

Nov. 5, 2014 - Gestures and Mikasa

The month has barely started and I've already drawn more than last month.  Let's keep this going!

Did some more 30 second drawings.

I've noticed while watching that art vlog the other day that my gestures are still pretty off.  This is still a thing I need to study further but it is something that I thought of half way through these and tried to be more aware of during the rest of the ones that I did.  I feel I had mixed results.


On that same note of gestures.  Gestures aren't a thing that are meant to always be drawn very quickly.  I've heard this from many artists of notable position, namely vilppu.  With this in mind, I cranked my timer up to 2 min to see if I was able to focus on capturing the movement and gesture alone and not so much the contours and other details I normally focused on in 2 min sketches.

I feel like I gained a lot of knowledge when doing these.  If not from the simple fact of focusing on the gesture for longer than 30 or so seconds but as a reminder to myself that gestures are actually a very complicated subject and that it's ok to spend a little extra time on them.  I think I'm to the point where I can start slowing down again.  Get back into longer studies and sketches.  More learning More learning!!

OH and forgot to post this yesterday.  This was an art trade I did with my buddy Melly.  I did Mikasa from Attack On Titans.

Was just a silly fun sketch, but he liked it.  Pretty pleased with Mikasa's pose.  I wasn't able to find any reference for exactly the pose I wanted so i just winged it.  Didn't turn out half bad.  The titan is a bit derpy but.. eh.


It's a nice feeling to know that in the span of 2 days I have already drawn more than the entire month of October.  I had a lot of crap going on in october, but it's a nice feeling regardless.
Anyway MORE TRAINING!

Nov. 4, 2014 - Sketches

Back to the 30 second sketches.  I noticed there were quite a few poses last time around that were incomplete.  Missing arms, heads, etc.  This time I tried to focus on finishing these.

Nov. 1, 2014 - First Vlog Just Do It!

Fresh Start.  Let's get the ball rolling (again)!
Took a while to really get used to all the changes that happened recently, but LETS DO IT AGAIN!

Finally started up that first art vlog.  It took a while to finally work up the courage to do it.  But it is now a thing.  I will be doing these as often as I can.  It will basically just be a video form of what already happens here on the blog.  Me talking about art stuff and things I've learned.

This is an extremely experimental series about art stuff.  Much like this blog, It's not aimed at showing how amazing of an artist I am, but rather some form of informative inspirational documentation of my progress while I ramble about various things.


Anyway, here's the post pics i drew in the video.
Some quick 30 sec drawings.

These were 2 min sketches.

I know I hadn't really drawn much these past few months, but some did turn out pretty decent.  Don't want to critique them too much because it's been a while.  So I'll just focus more on getting that mileage in for the time being.  Learning the anatomy, gestures, and faces are still a top priority. 

MORE TRAINING!

Oct, 12, 2014 - Back to normal?

As incredibly hard as things have been this past year.  It seems as though things just may have returned back to normal.  There is still an terribly bitter sinking feeling that this whole art dream is a lost cause...  but I wont settle for that.  Need to pick up where I left off and continue my studies 10 fold.  Over the next few days I'll be rewriting those goals down to remind myself why I'm doing all this.  It really sucks from all the lost time, but I cant let that hold me back.

Oct. 4, 2014 - few poses

some of these.

Oct. 3, 2014 - Facial Expressions

Need to quit beating myself up for silly little reasons.  Not being able to do half the stuff I really want to had been getting me down.  Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself i need to just return to my studies.  A few things have changed in real life land so for at least this weekend I will have some free time.  After reviewing everything from last month, I cant really say it was a terrible month.  I actually did more than I thought I did.  But I at least want to get this month off right.  I hate to say baby steps again...  but it looks like that's where it's gonna have to be.  Small steps, small studies, small small small.  Anything is better than nothing.  Anything.  Even if it's "not good" which i try to never look at my work as "not good" it's a "work in progress"

About the expressions though, holy crap i really like how they turned out.

Things took a turn... (no art)

Life situation is getting a bit rough with the whole brother and nephew thing.  Things took an interesting turn and I just want it all to get over with.  As much as I wanted October to be a "come back" month, as it stands I'm not sure how active I will be on here.  AT LEAST for the time being.  I'm gonna be away from my computer a bit more than usual so drawing digitally may not be the best option right now.  I do have a few sketch books that I do plan on drawing it, but since I don't have a scanner I wont be able to get them on here.

With all that is going on.  I am still determined to make this a more productive month than last month and to at least get as much drawing in as i can.  I've got to push myself.

With that being said, I still ask for your patience with this blog and it's updates the next few weeks.  I hope that this will be the final stop for all this drama and that things will finally swing my way.

Thanks for understanding.

Sept. 14, 2014 - Gestures and big blog update (Sept. 7 - 14)

Big Blog Update
I hadn't been updating the blog like I am supposed to.  I dont really know why I hadnt.  Just busy in real life i suppose.  But tonight I went through and uploaded the proper drawings with the proper days between Sept 7 to today Sept 14.  So if you read the blog those days are now there with everything.

More gesture

The more I do these the more I feel like I need a refresher with the Vilppu videos with forms.  Through all the stress and such from my last "break thing" from the blog I think I lost some of those details.  While I dont think these are particularly bad, I do think they are missing the form stuff.  I will be reviewing those in the near future.

I did, however have a really good feeling when doing these.  I dont know how much better they ended up, but I did feel good doing them.  I could have continued but I decided to end it there and finally update the blog.

I have also noticed I have been wasting a lot more time doing things I dont really need to be doing...  Playing games, watching youtube etc...  I'm trying to bring back the old schedule I was running on a while back.. buuut with a few modifications.  I'll talk a bit more about that a little later.  This entry is already getting a bit lengthy haha.

MORE TRAINING!!

Sept. 12, 2014 - Gestures and QUICK POSE CERTIFICATE!

Finally got my Quick Pose Certificate!!!
and these were the ones that got me there!

There really isn't anything TOO big with getting the certificate, but it's still a nice feeling.  To know I have put the time in to this thing and really stuck with it.  I think the reward comes more from sitting down and putting in the hours, moreso than the certificate itself.  But still man.  Good feels! <3

This entire blog brings me good feels.  It's filled with things that would have never been had I just given up.  While at the moment am still struggling with focus, time management, and stresses of daily life, it's good to have been able to have been able to return time and time again when I have just felt like giving up all together.  Of-course the giving up feeling never lasts long but...  Sometimes I struggle with constantly feeling like I am "getting back into things" from a few days or a week, or even a month i think at one point from not drawing much...  But at the same time, I think it really says something about a person if even through all the trouble, they are willing to "get back into things" it certainly says something about a person if they keep trying instead of just giving up and deciding its too rough.

Sept. 10, 2014 - Gestures

Another bit of a rough day.
These were a bit longer than the ones i had been doing.

Ehhh but the bottom left and bottom right were't too bad i suppose.  And a few do at least feel like they have some life to them even if they still feel a biiiit stiff.

Sept. 9, 2014 - Gestures (rough day)

Had a pretty rough day, just couldnt get these to look right.

Not every day can be a good day I suppose.

but not all are terrible.  I need to get that flow back I had... Dont know where it went...

Sept. 8, 2014 - Gesture Figure things. and Gigs.

I wasn't too proud of these when I was doing them...  But looking back I actually thing they looked OK.  Especially considering my inconsistency with drawing lately.  This falls into a topic i touched on in a previous topic where for some reason I think things are looking bad WHILE I'm doing it seemingly for the sake of feeling bad...  I don't know exactly how to put it into words.  But I just need to have more faith in myself.  or at the very least  give myself more credit than I have been.  I may not be the BEST artist, but I do feel a lot of improvements since I started this whole journey.

But after looking through these and deciding "hey they're not too bad" I drew Gigs and felt pretty great by the end of the night

It was kind of one of those twisty poses.  but I like it.  Still not too sure of her design, but what eves.

More training!!

Sept. 7, 2014 - Nona

Did a nice little doodle of nona.

I think the pose and everything turned out pretty nice.  I really need to learn how to do hands and feet better haha.  Perhaps one day I'll put that on my list of things to do.  I believe Vilppu has a lesson on those actually....  really need to get back to those.

Sept. 5, 2014 - Gestures.

Finally sat down to do some more 1 min timed gestures

Every time i return to art I'm always bombarded with that same feeling I get when I've been a way for a while.  That general "Did I just do that?" feeling.  I still remember all those years I avoided the human figure and anytime I attempted to draw it I would be faced with doubt and pure discouragement.  And just to know how far I have come is amazing and I just want to draw more!!  I mean... They're not all super great, but there are a few that I see potential.  I need to get this whole thing rolling again.  I am excited to see where I go from here.  Need to work on my schedule.

My buddy larz also sent me this video and it really kind of opened my eyes to a few things.  Some what of a reminder of the things that I used to think all the time but have fallen away from it after all this terrible luck I have had as of late.

Granted, this have been very hard for me lately.  But potentially...  POTENTIALLY... this could be the best time in my life.  So long as I stay focused and not give in to the terrible things happening around me.  Gotta stay focused!

Also, this happened.

It's a Certificate thing that you can get after using this gesture website for so long.  You have to pay for shipping, but im pretty dang excited.  MORE FOCUS!

Aug. 29, 2014 - Nona Faces and Frederator??

So, I got a message from Frederator Studios on youtube.  Not quite sure how or what to think of this, it's pretty insane!  My initial idea is that it's probably just a troll account, but I dont know it seems pretty legit.  They want me to join their Frederator Network.  As crazy awesome as that is, they sent the message to my video game account, and unless they are branching out from being an Animation Network to games network it's a bit... odd.  There's a whole lot of options to weigh when it comes to youtube partnership programs, and I am a bit hesitant to leave my current partnership with Fullscreen.  But even still.  To at least know there is a Frederator anybody that would even consider me as part of their anything is PRETTY FREAKIN COOL!  To be part of the company that helped make 90% of the cartoons I look back and enjoy to this day...  oh man.  I've got to read all the fine print for this one, but it's pretty dang cool.  I understand that the person that found my channel probably sent out hundreds of those messages that day, but even still.  It's pretty cool xD.   I'm a bit hesitant to leave Fullscreen after how well they have treated me all these years, but we will see what happens.  I'll keep the blog posted on the details.

And some Nona faces.  I don't draw her enough.

The first one was fooling around with her hair design a bit, but I dunno.  I kinda just like the simple original design.  I need to draw my own characters more haha.  Gotta step my game up, MORE TRAINING!

Aug. 28, 2014 - A Very Educational MrZebraGamer Documentary.

This was one of those rare instances where an Idea went from my mind to completion in a single day.



A buddy of mine, MrZebraGamer, recently hit 10,000 subscribers on youtube.  So I made him a little silly animation.  I dont know how the idea came to mind hahaha.  At first I got the idea to have him a documentary type setting where he started flying and the announcer got a bit excited.  With me being a rather big fan of nature documentaries, it wasn't hard to emulate that style.  I laughed at this thing from the initial idea all the way to completion.  Im even laughing at it while I watch it here XD!

It was interesting to note that my studies on form really helped when drawing the Zebra.  I have never drawn a Zebra before, and have literally only drawn a part of a horse from that Centaur Monster Girl challenge, but I was able to confidently draw this with relative ease.  It's always interesting when learning something indirectly affects my ability to do something almost completely different.  I need to get back to my Vilppu studies.  Now that the nephew has returned to school and is nolonger screaming in my ear every day...  That is very much a possibility.

Fun fact.   the little jet sound is just me blowing air between my teeth and lips XD
He really liked it.  And that's pretty awesome! 

If I was able to focus like this on everything...  There's no telling what I'd be able to accomplish.  I think the hardest part of it all is that for a moment there, I WAS able to focus like this, but just then literally everything happened.   Things have been getting better as of late.  So here's hoping this year can still take a turn for the better.  Just gotta stay focused!

Aug. 27, 2014 - Sunflower, Monstergirl

 Drew a few things!  The sunflower from Plants vs Zombies Garden Warfare.

And another Monster Girl!  Number 27 The Truly Gruesome Monstergirl.

She's not really Gruesome, but her original idea was inspired by a Necromorph but perhaps somewhere along the lines it lost it's gruesomeness.  I got the idea of a creepy monster girl trying to be cute.  She originally had peace signs for hands, but I replaced them with giant spike things.  Then cat ears.

Aug. 22, 2014 - Manga Studios Exercises

Did these on the 22nd.  (typing this on the 24th but publishing on the 22nd for consistency sake.)

I actually did these in a Manga Studio 5.  It was recommended by my good friend Mokuu.  From what he says it has more features than Paint Tool Sai, but less clunky, and confusing than Photoshop.  Photoshop is more designed for graphic design stuff than drawing.  I picked it up on Amazon.com a while back but haven't really had a chance to give it a go.  It has some really interesting features I need to get used to, and I'm learning the hot keys.  A technical change to my procedure is that I changed my DPI (Dots per inch) from 72 to 300.  Not sure what that did.   But I did... XD!  I do know that 72 DPI is supposed to be for online work and 300 is supposed to be pretty good for printed work.  While printed work is not really something I'm aiming for at the moment, It wouldn't hurt to familiarize myself with this setting.

In other news, big update soon as to what's been going on.  A lot of it is personal stuff that I'd much rather leave out of most everything...  but I do suppose personal stuff is indeed part of the "artists journey" so I might as well share it here.  Things should be picking up again in the near future though.  A lot of it is still up in the air but I'm at least being optimistic.  Also Raz...  Mikey.

Aug. 11, 2014 - Sketches

Things have been pretty rough lately.  But I gotta start drawing again.
These are some character designs I've kind of been working on.  Thinking about at least.  Very sketchylike but hey.

I'll give a proper "blog update thing" when I can gather the thoughts and everything together.  Just gonna try drawing again.

May 3, 2014 - Monster Girl & Gigs

Pretty tired but let's do a thing!
Favorite Monster Girl Character

This one actually took me awhile to think of.  Surprisingly enough I don't think many of the shows i watch really have monster girls in them o.O...  So I just chose the first one that came to mind.  Flame Princess from adventure time!  Thinking about it a bit more there are others that I really like...  but ya know, this works for me. 


Then Gigs!

 She finally has a name, and I'm trying to work out her abilities.
The pose on the right is really good and im genuinely proud of it.

Would put more but I'm really tired.

April 28, 2014 - Friend's Request

A good buddy of mine had asked if I would be able to do a Final Fantasy type title card for a video series he was doing.

He asked me for this a LONG time ago, and I feel like a total jerk for not getting it to him sooner.  I'm not sure if he will be happy with the results.  I really like the fragmented sketchy look to it.  I was going for something like the Final Fantasy Titles.  Not sure how well it turned out, but we'll find out soon enough. 

April 27, 2014 - Favorite Monster Girl (Slime Girl)

Next Monster Girl Picture I did.
Literally did this in a few minutes haha.  But im super happy with the results.

Revisiting the Slime Girl

I wasn't exactly sure what to do for this one "Favorite Monster Girl"  Slime and Robots are probably my two favorites and I already used one of my characters for the robot, so I figured I'd redraw  one that I'd like to explore more as a character...  So...  Slime girl again!  As I said earlier, I did this one in a matter of 4 or 5 min (if even that)   My ability to pick up on shapes and forms has progressed far enough so I'm able to quickly throw out a pose and at least be able to see what is right and wrong then shape it into something that looks a little better.  Not to mention, I'm genuinely proud of that face haha.  It's not perfect, but it looks nice.  There hasn't been a lot of big updates, lots of things are going on.  Not bad things, just things to keep me busy for a while. 

Original Slime Girl can be found here
http://doggyzart.blogspot.com/2013/08/aug-25-27-2013-gestures-and-monster.html

Gotta keep moving, onward march!
MORE TRAINING!

April 26, 2014 - Monster Girl MultiLimb

Just got the monster girl done today. Turned out pretty good though!

I didn't use reference again for this picture.  Im noticing myself being able to recall the shapes of the body a bit easier.  Not a lot more to say, but I really like it.  I actually wouldn't mind making some of these into actual characters haha.  But we'll see.

April 25, 2014 - Gestures and Yokai Girl

Some 2 min Gestures.

Next Monster girl
Yokai! (ghost, phantom, strange apparition)

Reaaallly like how this one turned out. I didn't use any reference for this one and I think it turned out really well.  I think the hands could have been a little bit better, but This one had a good flow to it, especially with the legs.  Not bad.

April 24, 2014 - Huge Gaming Cutback. (No art)

I have hinted towards it and played around with the idea in my head for many months now...  But I've finally decided to cut back on my gaming.

While my gaming in general had taken a huge cut because of real life events, it's come to my attention that gaming in general has done little to no good in helping achieve my goal as an artist.  I used to proudly consider myself a gamer with perhaps slightly above average abilities...  But I feel this time has passed. 

I wont be giving it up completely, but I will be limiting myself to at most, an hour a day (or none if at all possible).  I have learned a lot through gaming, but I need to redirect my focus and hang up the gamer hat.  (AT LEAST TILL SMASH BROS COMES OUT ON THE WIIU LOOLOLOLO)

The question that it all really boils down to is...  How badly do I want this whole art thing to work?  I still feel as though all the odds are stacked against me.  I have to give it my all, and unfortunately my favorite pastime has been the biggest obstacle in my progress.

More on this at a later date.
Till then...
MORE TRAINING!

April 22, 2014 - Feline Girl

Monster girl thing.
Feline Girl!

I drew the character Miss Fortune from, Skull Girls.  While I was happy with this one, I think it looks a bit too much like the reference material that I used.  I might end up redoing it one day, but as of now I like it.

Edit~~
Random quote I found.

“Don’t worry about being original, she said dismissively. Yes, everything’s been written, but also, the thing you want to write, before you wrote it, was impossible to write. Otherwise it would already exist. You writing it makes it possible.”

—	Alexander Chen

Not exactly drawing related, but I'd like to bend it out of context a bit to make it fit.  I think the same thing could be said about any art form in general.  Your art was impossible until YOU create it.  Otherwise it would already exist.  Thinking about art in this way really does the entire concept of creation, regardless of the quality.  It was IMPOSSIBLE till you created it.  Which even makes our failures stand out as somewhat of an accomplishment. 


Lastly, I also saw an interesting 2 part video series on Leonardo DaVinci and other artists were "Losers" or not always successful.
It's worth a look. (they are each about 5 min long)
Part1
http://vimeo.com/84022735
Part2
http://vimeo.com/87448006

April 21, 2014 - Bunny Pics! and figure drawings

Tis the season I suppose!
This past christmas I drew Nona in a christmasy outfit...  So I figured I'd draw her in a Bunny outfit for the easter occasion.  Might make this a thing haha.
So here she is, Bunny Nona.

 Wasn't really in much of a coloring or inking mood so i just kinda left it as a sketch.
Didn't turn out too bad.

I wanted to do another so I figured I would draw another picture of this new character Im working on.

The details on her aren't quite ironed out yet.  I just got an idea for a silly head design then ran with it a bit.  She was originally gonna be a slime character but not so sure.  I'm thinking more of silly puddy consistency.  I'm not sure if I shared these, but these are the original sketches of her from a little while back.

Then here's these 2 min figure drawings.

Hey, ya know!  Not too bad really.  That's all i can really say haha.  Not bad.  Need to do more of these.  MANY MANY MORE!

NEED TO KEEP UP MY TRAINING!

April 20, 2014 - Time to Face the Music

Time to face the music...

WITH FACES!

Originally set out to draw only faces, but the body creeped in on a few of these.  I'm just trying to get used to drawing the face/expressions.  I do still need to do more formal studies, but I do kinda like this little style I've got going.  Something simple, but too the point.  I cant wait to build on it to see how far i can push it and see how it evolves.

April 19, 2014 - Alien, Cyclops, Satyr, Canine Monster Girls, Random doodles and Random Ramblings

Really kicking myself in gear.
Was able to sit down and do quite a few of these Monster Girl Drawings.
Alien Girl

  Cyclops Girl

Satyr Girl

Canine Girl Stuff.

And random doodles.  Tired starting on faces then stuff but got a bit tired working on them.

While I can stand back and nit pick the random little elements of these drawings, I can honestly say I'm pretty satisfied with them.  I was trying to feel the forms in my later monster girl drawings.  With some mixed results.  But that is what I was trying.  The entire point of the Monster Girl Challenge (at least for me) was not to create some wonderful pieces of art, or demonstrate fantastic character designs.  It was to just get me to draw a thing.  And I've managed to get some decent sketches out of the deal, so it's a win win. :D!

A bit on the sketches on the end, I tried to do faces and expressions.  Cartoony/animey expressions.  While drawing them I felt as though they were the absolute worst things ever...  But once again, as it always plays out, Looking back at them, some were actually not terrible.  Really want to focus on faces and stuff.

Random Ramblings

So this video art vlog thing i've been talking about for a while...  I know I've really hinted to wanting to start it, but I think I'm REALLY REALLY ready this time.  JUST GOTTA GEAR UP A BIT.  Soon.  Im learning how to not only redirect a lot of my attention back to art, but to also cope with the silly situations that are happening around me.  It's been a bit of a process.

I feel very passionately about one day doing these video blogs.  I'm sure I've mentioned this before on the blog, but over my years of creating silly little videos on youtube it's genuinely amazing how many people i have been able to touch and influence in a positive way.  Imagine if I'm able to do something of that nature with an art video log series??  If i'm able to help some poor soul somewhere avoid the silly mistakes i've made in my art past... wow.  That would be fantastic!

While there is still a part of me that wants to think "I'm too old" and that I've "Missed the bus" on this whole art thing.  I want to prove myself wrong, and show others that there is a way.  I just need to make sure I'm ready for the task.  The people I follow say there is a way.  Not just one, but ALL of them.  While I'm not entirely in doubt of myself, it all boils down to their word against mind.  And from what little improvement I've seen through the past year, I'm convinced these guys are 100% correct.  Just need to get in gear...  I was close, then it felt like it was all ripped away, now I'm moving back to where I need to be.  One step at a time.  One step at a time.

Need to keep up my training!!

April 7, 2014 - Cleanup, Animation, & It's ok to be Depressed

(I kinda moved things around this blog post, so pardon me if things might sound a little out of order)

During my little depression, I have returned to the cleanup!  There are many things that are still out of place and have been needing to fix up, so instead of sitting around like a lump, I took the initiative to take care of some long needed tasks.  I found that when I'm feeling down, I need to give myself things to do, and cleanup always seems to cheer me up a lot.  And one of the things that have been bothering me is my lack of animations.  So I jumped up and finished another NCS Animated just in time for NCS's Birthday on April 5th!  

Yea it's not my best work, and yea there were some things i probably could have done better, but I got it done.  Another check off the list.  Also, NCS saw it, and he really liked it, so that was some nice icing on the cake.


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Ya know.  It's ok to be depressed.
Especially when things have taken a turn for the worst (or at least for what ever you believe is the worst)  One of my biggest qualms with society is it's strong discouragement from feeling very real and very basic human emotions.  Depression being one of them. (along with other "smaller" emotions like sadness, despair , or even some very positive emotions like happiness or joy... that's an entirely different topic of its own)  

While depression is definitely not a thing that anybody really wants to have on their "to do list" I think it can really speak volumes about your personality and how much you legitimately feel about a situation.  It is a strong negative feeling, but I think, much like any other emotion, we should let it's have it's moment instead of fighting it off.  Fighting it only creates more discomfort from our current discomfort.  The whole "I'm angry because I'm angry" "why is that?" "Because I'm angry" argument.  It can turn into a very powerful downward spiral that will only lead things to a very nasty place.

It's like denying yourself the ability to be human.  While I do believe there are some cases where depression can become become a bit too much to handle and might need further help if the situation is severe enough, but I do think many cases can be helped by just letting it run it's course and understanding that "Hey, yea, I am depressed, and this is the problem." then just continuing to look forward.  The quote "Not everything lasts forever" comes to mind, and that certainly applies negative things as well.

Just gotta stay strong and press on!

April 2, 2014 - Depression

Has it really been almost a month since the last update?  Jeeze.
Well, I figured I might as well get this one off my chest so here goes.  I've been avoiding the word depression for a while now but it really feels that there is no going around it.  The way things have been lately in my personal life have really taken a tole on my confidence not only in myself but just in my future in general.  As though a "perfect storm" of sorts has slowly been brewing over the past few years has just hit right as I thought things were truly beginning to look up (which only fuels my frustration because it actually felt like I was going somewhere).  This isn't of-course to imply that I won't go anywhere, it's just hard to stay focused... when focus has always been the thing I've never managed to keep and all these problems... ech.  It legitimately feels like other people are stomping all over my dreams, and that's not a good feeling at all.  I wish i could go into more detail with all this, but I think it would be in my best interest if I just kinda left it at that.

Despite everything that's going on, I want this to be a good month.  Just need to push myself a bit more.

and here's a silly gif.












You're welcome.

Mar. 3, 2014 - Gestures

Wasnt expecting to do anything today.  I was pretty busy today then a friend was streaming some of the new south park game.

But I did manage to get these done.  These were all 2 min.

Mar. 2, 2014 - 2 Min Gestures, Robot Girl

First off, I uploaded the wrong image yesterday for the gestures, so if you want to see that the link has been updated.

2 Min Gestures.

Monster Girl Challenge Robot Girl.
I have a robot girl OC, So I drew Nona!

I gave her legs a bit more mechanical look to them, sort of like megaman type legs.
Also, It feels a bit like i cheated on this one haha, I might redo it later, but we'll see :P